it hurts.......

well so am back on my own again, not happy about it but waht can i do? i don't think i was cut out for relationships becos it never works out in my favour istead it takes too much out of me.its hurting badly,i ve cied and cried and cried,didnt know i could cry so much?????? is it worth it?

my self esteem is so low, i don't even know where to start from.i feel dejected. actually toying with the idea of going to the other side and have even been prepositioned but how am i sure it wont be worse? and to think that i have a lot of love to give......all i want is to be taken care of,to be needed,appreciated, to be loved with a lot of patience becos i know i need to be handled with care? is dat too much to ask for? sure i'll have my flaws and make some silly mistakes but that doesnt mean i shuld be given up on and be left as "NO HOPE". hmmmmmm some people will say i shuld move on, and its not like i dont kow but its how?


evrytime the phone rings i expect it to be his call, evrytime a dark car goes by,i expect it to be his. i see sometin n i think of him, i want to do something and i can hear what he'll say.an sms comes in n i dash for it expecting it to be from him. m horny n i just want him,him and noone else. i feel very low wit myself and i want to be cuddled by Him.


sure i made a mistake but shuld i be given up on? it hurts sooo bad.u'd have thot that after all the crying i have done i'd stop by now but alas, dats not the case. it hurts so bad.how do i start afresh? where do i start from? who do i tell all my secets to? cant imagine some else touching me rite now. how do you win back a love u once had and have lost? especially if the person is fast building a wall u dont think u can penetrate?


whe i started blogging,i didnt think all my posts wil be this sad,but was going thru them today n its all so SAD. when was the last time i really let go and fun with someone i love. wat is this thing called LOVE anyway? i do so love him,with all his flaws,hes niceness, his love. EVERYTHING.
it hurts so bad.

i wish.

I wish.



I wish my dad didn't have to die and leave me all alone in this world.

I wish my good friend didn't have to die on me.

I wish i am able to tell people close to me how i really feel.

I wish i am able to express my thots clearly into words.

I wish i am able to trust people more, but how do i know who is who?

I wish i had more girlfriends, but then again do i really want them?

I wish my mom really noticed how i feel about certain things and people.

I wish i wasn't so insecure.

I wish i wasn't so emotionally unstable.

I wish i had those instincts that warn you when things aren't going well.

I wish i could have trusted my instincts more.

I wish i wasn't so stuborn atimes.

I wish i was alot stronger.

I wish i had alot of faith in my own abilities.

I wish i have the drive to go on.

I wish i had someone to talk to, to really confide in.

I wish i were closer to God.

I wish love didn't have to hurt so much.

I wish i had realised that he was the real thing when he walked pass me.

I wish i had put 100% into the relationship.

I wish i hadn't cheated on him.

I wish he could have forgiven me.

I wish he could have given me a chance to earn his love & trust again.

I wish that he didn't have to leave me.

I wish i have the strenght to carry on.

I wish he understood me better.

I wish he was willing to give me a last chance to prove myself.

I wish life was a bit easier.

I wish i didn't feel so lonely.

I wish it wasn't too late.

But it looks liks it is..........



i wish..