i have a problem....an issue.......i think plenty issuesssssss

first of all........i have a very NASTY temper: i do try, really i do, to control this temper of mine but it seems like the more effort i put into it, the more it wants to show its ugly self. its so bad that at the point when it actually explodes, i don't think about the repercussions of my words or action i just do or say whatever comes to mind. almost like my whole body and Being has been taken over by some force. most times i try to hold back, by taking whatever insults or stupid side talks or just generally avoiding issues that lead to it, and it works but other times its very sudden.

another thing about my temper is, once i am upset with someone about something and i don't lash out at you immediately or confront you, it starts eating up at me and i can be very creative about what i want to do to you or tell you whenever i see you. so much so that it actually scares me at what my mind conjures up.


secondly.........i am too nice. so nice that i put other people before and get taken for granted time and again but have i learnt my lesson? NO. well a bit. which still doesn't change the fact that i am nice. sometimes they make me feel like being nice to someone is a sin or a crime and i think its too late to now change my character......but am prepared to learn.(any ideas somebody?)


thirdly..........as my colleague says i am overly friendly, that i can be frieinds with the goat and chickens that roam the streets.e gba mi oooooo.can a person have so many faults? if i smile, the smile is too wide. if i laugh,the sound is too loud. even to just stare is soul searching?

and to make matters worse are those people who think because you are smiling, gives them an avenue to start Toasting u and becoming a Nuisance. so that when i complain to Uncle, he says its because i don't have that professional attitude(the one that says look but don't touch). have you known 9ja men not to try their lucks before? i mean i am friendly but do they have to take it as a come-on signal? i mean, come on now (borrowed that from Uncle he uses it like all the time) can't a girl be friendly to a customer without him trying to get her phone number under one pretext or the other and when he does, later call her to ask me out without bothering to know if i'm going to get in trouble with my man or not. because some guys don't use their head at all and can call at midnight with flimsy excuses.


fourthly..........i am toooooooooo trusting. its now i know that it's not everything you are told that you should believe. i don't see why i'd ask u a question and you feel you have to lie about the answer, because the way i see it, i don't feed u, or pay for your education, or whatever. so why the need to LIE? once you tell me something, i take your word as gospel and move on. this occurs mostly with my female friends and for that reason i keep just a few of them. so that at the end of the day, two of them can't say the same thing about me, which i feel is wrong, and it sometimes makes me feel like i have double personality. if you were lying to collect money or things from me i swear i'd understand but to lie to a friend? what then is the BASIS of friendship i ask?



and then i HATE to wait..........i don't have the patience to, even when i do wait for hours i am a tornado about to happen. bad i know, especially when i keep people waiting. because for one reason or the other unknown to me, i am Never on time.in as much as i trully try to be.i know its selfish and more than a bit self-centered but what can i do?

so here are somethings you should know about me, i'd like to hear your opinions and advices please .i need to deal with these issues. i know what they say about it being too late to change the spots on the body of a leopard but i really need damage control on the issue of my temper before it drives away the people i love from my life.


feel free to send me emails as well. teecity1@gmail.com. forgive my rantings but they are giving me cause to worry.
laters